fighting through Hell as a child to emerge an empowered woman: the grit and resilience of a true mental health superhero, Meagan CopelinRead Now
[TRIGGER WARNING: SH, SA, R*PE, ED]
i have to fight through hell to become the EMPOWERED WOMAN i am today.
BEING BORN WITH GRIT, DETERMINATION AND FIGHT DOESN'T MATTER WHEN YOU'RE BORN TO TEENAGE DRUG ADDICTS
As a young girl, growing up in the city of New Orleans, I was always determined to be the very best and to never give up despite my obstacles. In fact, my aunts and uncles nicknamed me “Maybe Tomorrow” as they saw determination and grit from the moment I was born.
My great-grandmother, Anna Copelin, who we called Mother Anna, holds a special place in my heart. Mother Anna passed away when I was 3 years of age, and although I do not remember much about her, I do know she still guides me and watches over me daily. She has truly been my guardian angel.
My mom and dad were teenagers when I was born. I was primarily raised the first 3 years of my life by Mother Anna and my great grand-father, Daniel Copelin (Granddaddy Copelin), not because they wanted to but because they needed to.
Even born as a premature baby, I had so much fight in me. I was a very small baby, with a big forehead (LOL).
My great grandparents were full of love. The greatest memories I shared with Granddaddy Copelin was us sitting at the kitchen table eating stale ginger snaps and cold hot dog links. For some reason, my granddaddy loved giving us grandkids stale snacks.
I still smile thinking about how my granddaddy enjoyed a snack that I found very unpleasant, but I still enjoyed spending time with my love. He was the first man that I ever loved, and he showed me love as I didn’t grow up with my dad in my life, so my granddaddy and certain uncles were there for me.
My birth mom was in and out of my life and was extremely unstable. I remember when I was around 6 years old, she was involved in an unstable relationship with a man, and he got so mad at her that he hit her in the head with a car jack. She needed over 200 stitches. That was very scary to watch.
I really think I started to experience mental health issues around that time or maybe earlier, starting around the age of 5.
My dad disappeared when I was around 7 years old. I didn’t remember him and never cared to find him. I did start asking about him later but remembered that the other men in my life made sure I was good. (I am happy. I never had daddy issues thank goodness.)
My mom and dad were both crack heads. I mean call it like you see it. They abused drugs heavily. I saw my mom take drugs, snort crack, and sell her body. I was young seeing all of this. WTF.
No child should ever have to live through this hell.
My mental health was spiraling out of control. I was starting to act out and cut myself. I was a child. Why was I seeing this shit?
At the time, I never realized this was a sickness she possessed and for years I did not like her. I hated her. I didn’t want a relationship with her. I even told people she had died.
I was angry so anything I said at that time I meant it. She was fucking up my mental health.
I was depressed, had PTSD, was wetting the damn bed, experiencing an eating disorder, etc.
I was a child. No child should ever have to experience this, no matter what. I WAS MAD at that time.
My mom had lots of men in her life, and I mean LOTS of men. She would meet a man on Wednesday, and we would be living with him on Friday. I watched my mom experience lots of pain from men, from being abused to assaulted.
She was on drugs and gone for days. There were times I didn’t see my mom for days, even weeks. This was traumatizing for myself as well as my brother and sister.
My mental health was spiraling out of control. I was cutting myself and biting my nails down to the skin. I was going through hell.
getting held down, raped and pimped out by your mother when eight seriously fucks with your mental health
At the age of 8 years old, I was raped multiple times by my mom’s boyfriend. I think he was boyfriend number 500 of that year. I loved school and would go right to school after being raped by that ugly old ass monster. He smelled like grease and molded bread. He was a PIMP and would have sex with prostitutes before and after he raped me.
My mom was aware of this but when drugs take over your life, that is typically the focus and not anything else around you. He told me not to tell anyone, and he even told me that he would tell her and that she wouldn’t do anything. The nerve.
And he was right: I told her and nothing was done. These two were really messing with my PTSD. Severe depression was kicking in. Crack and cocaine are truly a hell of a drug.
at age of 12, diagnosed with clinical depression, ptsd, anxiety, eating disorder, ocd, and behavioral and emotional disorder. thanks mom.
School was my safe haven and even though I was bullied daily, I still went with dirty ass clothes and cuts on my body. I should have been playing with barbie dolls and eating dinner at the table with a normal family, but I was facing severe trauma at 8 and 9 years old.
I eventually moved in with an abusive aunt, who would beat me with a broom and make me sleep in my own urine as I was still wetting the bed from severe trauma. I was suffering and going downhill. After two years or so, I had an opportunity to move with another aunt who changed my life.
That aunt saw that I needed help and sent me to see a licensed psychiatrist. At the age of 12, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, PTSD, anxiety, an eating disorder, a behavioral and emotional disorder, and OCD. I was provided a prescription for mental health medication as well.
learning to forgive, not for her, but for me.
For years, I did not like my mom and didn’t see her again until I was 20 years old. I had to really learn forgiveness and it was hard. I sought counseling and joined a church to help me learn how to forgive my mom. I finally forgave her about 7 years ago. I am now 40.
I realized that forgiving her was not about her but about me. And about freeing me. To move on and succeed in life, I had to learn the power of forgiveness. That was truly a process for me. I had to be open and understanding. I had to place myself in her shoes in order to understand her struggles.
I didn’t have to have a relationship with her to forgive her. It felt good to rid that baggage that was holding me back for years. The act that hurt me will always be with me as I have that right, but forgiveness has lessened its grip on me. Forgiveness has allowed me to led with understanding in my personal life, as well as show empathy and compassion for my parents, as well as others around me.
How can you improve your child's mental health? your child deserves it.
One of the best things you can do to keep your child mentally healthy is to take care of your own mental health. As a parent, it is important that you protect your child and never allow them to be placed in situations that may harm them and scar them for life. A child needs to be a child and do things that children do, such as playing with dolls and car toys.
Children are innocent.
Parents should also have a basic understanding and answers to questions such as what mental illnesses are, who can get them, what causes them if that is known, how diagnoses are made, and what treatments are available. Do your homework.
Your child deserves it.
i was put on this earth for a reason. speaking up about stigma is my gift. It is my calling.
When I share my story with others, I always say that I am happy I have been through the things I have been through. My reason is because I believe GOD knew I could handle this. I am not my parents and never inherited any of their traits or habits. I was placed on this earth to help young girls and women all over the world share their story. Speaking up regarding the stigma of mental health is my gift. I was meant to do this.
If you're thinking about hurting yourself, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Dr. Meagan T. Copelin is the Supporting US Chair of Accelerating Mental Wellness, a social-justice campaign to co-create stigma free workplaces built on a foundation of empathy with needed mental health supports and programs.